Quote The Raven, "CAWWW!"

This blog is about an idea I heard Adam Carolla talking about the other day on his podcast. I thought it was funny and awesome so I wanted to recap it on here and give my opinion but I have to give him the credit.

The idea is to harness mother nature's ferocity and genius, use crows as a security system. Now bear with me, I will explain. Crows are an extremely bad ass bird. You could call a crow Barack Obama on Air Force One because each one is a black genius in the sky. These birds will literally take walnuts that they can't open and drop them on busy streets in the city and wait for cars to run them over, then wait at a crosswalk with pedestrians until its safe, and go snatch the nut. They are also one of the only birds on the planet that can mirror a human voice like a parrot. So the idea here is they are smart enough to train. Then you have to take into consideration how terrifying the CAWWW! is that they make, pure intimidation. Now so far we are only thinking of this as a single crow, but what I'm talking about is having your own fleet of attack crows. Are you wondering what a flock of crows are called? Get ready for this one. They aren't called a flock, they are referred to as a "murder" of crows. Bad. Ass.

Now I don't know if Carolla was aware of this or it influenced his idea, but part of the intimidation factor of having your own murder of attack crows to protect you or your land, is the mythological and folkloric connections people make when they see a crow or hear its banshee-like death scream. Crows are symbolically a harbinger of death and doom. They appear in many old poems and stories that way. Also associated with circling a battlefield and picking at or eating the dead. The Hitchcock horror film The Birds is famously about flocks of crows attacking and murdering townspeople. So you know these things are going to scare people. Birds are no pushovers, especially when they have numbers on their side. Its not like you are getting attacked by butterflies here.

So imagine if hundreds, maybe thousands, of crows were trained to protect you or your land. No intruder is coming near your property. Picture getting attacked by them. There is nothing you can do besides run and flail your arms while your skull is getting pecked off. You put a crow against Mike Tyson and he will probably grab it and bite its head off. But you put Mike Tyson against 100 crows and he is fucked. He would be stuck in a thunderstorm of bird cries and wingflaps until he succumbed and was eaten. I really think this idea is incredible and if I ever have the resources and a large estate, you better believe I am making it happen

And I will leave you with this small badass supplement to attack crows. In my research I learned that medieval knights had three things that were inherently loyal to them. Their hawk, their hound, and their true love. Now that is the life. Give me some armor and those three things and I promise I die happy. Your dog by your side, your falcon to scout for danger, and the mrs at home making a stew for when you return. Too ill.

-J.Wolfe AKA "The Professor"