The Art of a Perfect Suck It

As avid readers of WKFTB know, we are so innately juvenile and ridiculous that "Suck It" has fully reemerged in both our actions and lexicon. We are, as the videos we posted suggest, fully involved in bringing back Suck It.

I know you are asking yourself: "But, Nick, how can I help the cause?"

Well the first thing you can do is perfect the art of a Suck It. We don't need anyone going out there with poor mechanics, embarrassing themselves and ruining the reputations of those of us who take the movement seriously.

So, without further adieu, WKFTB brings you some helpful hints on how to execute a good Suck It. Because without proper technique, you really have nothing.


1). It's All in the Hips. Think about it. The basic nature of the action is sexual; after all you are telling people to "suck" it. A proper suck it should consist of a hip thrust forward coinciding with whatever chop method you opted to use. Just look at the hip motion of some of the founders of the move, D-Generation X. Particularly look at the :34 and :46 marks of the clip:





2). Sound Matters. No, you don't have to verbally blast someone with the words suck it. When we talk about sound we are referring to the noise a swift crotch chop emits when it hits the proper piece of clothing. See a great "suck it" is heard as much as it is seen. I can hear a good suck it from about a mile away. Articles that are acoustically friendly for suck its include but are not limited to blue jeans, tight shorts and a huge gortex bubble coat. Take a look at the Suck It Mixtape below to see what I mean:




3). Don't Be Shy. Feel free to blap anyone with a suck it. Whether it's the girl at the bar who refused your offer of a drink, a cabbie who sped by and didn't pick you up or an innocent couple strolling the city streets, it's all gravy, baby. Because there's no worse feeling then going home, spending your night tormented by regret and wondering what could have been had you just tossed a suck it at that dude in the mall. You should blap anyone and everyone, but at the same time...



4.) ...Don't Be Too Cocky. If I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousands times. Someone is on a suck it roll, feeling real good about themselves and they lose focus. They are blapping everybody out of control. What's the danger in that? I'll tell you the effing danger -- you could run into a legend, someone with Yoda-like suck it abilities. Sure you can give them an X suck it or a Tomahawk, but they'll get you with bigger and better moves like the Macerena Suck It or Suck It in the Air. Please, I beg you, do not be the person who cockily drops a suck it only to find out too late that their vastly over matched and are forced to leave with their tail between their legs. Cause you'll look like a God Damn fool.


5). Stay Within Your Boundaries. Does David Ortiz try to steal second the very few times he gets on base? Was Matt Cassel throwing deep his first couple games at the helm? Did Adam Lambert show just how gay he was during his first Idol auditions? No No and No. That's because they all stayed within their boundaries. And you should too. Don't be trying to throw out legend moves like the Hand of God or the Charlie Daniels if you can't properly execute them. Stick with what works. The standard crotch chop or the "X over." It's still gold. Then you can work your way up to the Barrel Roll or the Pitching Machine. It's important to know who you are in the Suck It community, just like it is in the business scene.


6). Always Be Prepared. Make your your clothing is primped and prepared, your moves are practiced and fresh in your head and you know exactly what you're getting into beforehand. Take a look at everything after the 3:20 mark to see just what I mean:



--Nick

WKFTB Partier of this past weekend goes to.....

None other than EB/Kingston's own Amanda Marston. (Pictured below with loyal blog reader Chris Brown...looking as handsome as ever).


Amanda has earned the first ever WKFTB Partier of the Weekend award for her tremendous efforts at the party which she herself threw at her house/mansion. What really sealed the deal and stole this award from Jared Wolfies 300 crotch chop display Saturday night in Boston was her effort towards the police.

The police showed up (I was already drunk and convincing Williams to hit up Burger King aka DK on the ride home) and Amanda like any partier should went out to handle them. Allegedly after flirting with the cop a bit he began to drive away and Amanda gave a crotch chop suck it to him as he drove off (video footage below). Great work Amanda...someone is going to have to put in a lot of effort to top this for next weekend.


Party on.

-J Perk

Random Saturday Stuff

-Woo..Alex Rios the night after going 0-for-5 with 5 Ks gets heckled after ignoring a kid's plea for an autograph:



-Adam Lambert, welcome to fame.

-Video of Kobe's accuser rapping:


(Not real though)

-For the rest of the weekend, this is all I have to say:

Bringin' Back Suck It

OK, so I was reading Kate's post from today and I clicked the paper towels video done by that guy who looks like a Nick Swardson/James Tevlin combo. Very funny. But then I saw that this dude had some other videos, one titled "Bringing Back Suck It."

Now, Suck It is true and dear to my heart. Wrestling and DX were the shit when we were younger. Much like blogfather Jake assimilating the crotch chop in his drunken exploits, the Suck It move never gets old -- although it is now seldom used.

Needless to say, after I watched the first, I was hooked and spent about 20-25 minutes watching the whole thing. Honestly...it's awesome. I know only a few will watch it all, but it's worth posting for those who do.

(The music and editing is awesome. Fav part is easily Part 4.)












--Nick