Crosswalks, Balloons and "All-New" Shows

Does the crosswalk law actually exist? Because I’m pretty sure I’ll go up to one of those and cars will just ZOOM by, not even slowing up a bit. It’s the same as crossing the street anywhere, just wait until the cars stop coming and cross. That’s why the fact that I’ve heard of 2 people who’ve gotten jaywalking tickets is astounding to me. Only because I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me they got a ticket for not stopping at a crosswalk. If you have or heard of someone who has, let us know below.

In your car, there is a spot between your seat and your center console and like it or not, your phone SWEATS this spot. It’ll fall there whenever you have it on your lap and make a turn. It’ll sneak its way down whenever you get out of your car and don’t have your phone in your pocket anymore. And for some reason, there is no easy way to reach this place. Always biting my lip making the “reach-down” face as my hand is getting squeezed between plastic and unforgiving cushion. Some reason here’s sand and wrappers everywhere. “Thought I vacuumed last week?” Nah, bro, can’t get the hose in that spot. Thing’s a Sarlacc Pit.

I love the concept of “all new” shows. “Coming up next, an all new House.” “Stay tuned for an all new Lost.” Oh yea, what other type of new is there? New is new. What the hell is partial new? Or kinda new? I mean, it’s ridiculous when you think about it. Are we really defining the difference between actually new and just a repeat that could be new to you? That’s the only way it would make any sense.

Balloons are a good allocation of money. I was in CVS the other day and saw some for $3.95. Really? Four bucks for air? I don’t even know what I’d do with a balloon? Tie it to my mailbox? Give it to a little kid? I think balloons were invented to let people know where your house was when you were having a party. Now, ppl just plug your addy into their GPS or mapquest.

I thought I would learn patience with age. Turns out, not at all. I still despise waiting in any line or standing in one place for too long. Drive-thru line, bank line, post office. Ugh. I hate it all. For some reason I think my time is super valuable. And this is the same guy who writes a blog, plays fantasy sports, and is online more than the Mailer Demon. I mean, c’mon I’m not exactly putting in precious minutes to renowned research or something. You’d think I’d chill.

--NIck