Amstel, Rufees, and Taped Light Switches

You ever see a light switch in someone's kitchen or living room that has tape over it? More than likely, overriding this tape warning and flipping this switch with do some sort of catastrophic damage, whether its shutting down the furnace or resetting all the circuits in the house or something. But besides taping the switch and making it terrifying and alluring at the same time, I have a better idea: DONT put an F'n light switch that does damage right in the middle of a room! What electrician thinks this is a good idea? "Yea, this one is critical, you may only need to push this switch once your whole time living here, so why don't we put it next to your porch light in this highly trafficked room?"

-Hey, do you know what sucks? What I absolutely can't stand? What makes me want to swan dive through a giant cheese grater?? This F'n commercial



Da Duh Duhh Da Duhh Duh da dad duh....get bent, Amstel. This is the most annoying commercial of all time and for some reason it gets blasted on every channel I enjoy. I want to smack the shit out of that guy in the beginning? All oh kidiko gall dieshh!!! Amstel Light - One Dam Shitty Commercial.

-How about ceiling fans that operate by those two pull chains hanging from it? Has anyone EVER pulled the cord they intended on the first tug?? Like, in the history of the world? Nope. You are shutting the light on and off, changing speeds, never doing what you wanted it to do. I mean, can we get these things digital now? Do I really have to eye out fast, medium and slow by how fast the blades are moving? Get outta here.

-I don't really see the big deal about rufees, you know if they were done on me that is. I might be down with someone slipping me one, actually. Oh, what I got super nice and blacked out? Woke up, and well whatta know, looks like I hooked up last night too. Wordddd..

Enjoy your long weekends, especially you 9-5 people.

--Nick

Toilet Paper, Cabbies and The Mailer Demon

-What's the deal with cab drivers always on the phone? No one talks on the phone more than these dudes. Seriously, they're ALWAYS on the phone. What's going on with them that's so important? They'll chatter on that thing the whole entire time you're in the car, barely taking the time to ask where you are going. If you're going to a place they don't really know, forget about it. The phone wins out over you. Always laughing, speaking weird languages, prolly love the free nights and weekend promos, huh.

-Ever have toilet paper stuck to your foot, for realll? That's a nightmare come to life. Something you thought only happens in movies, right? But for some reason you went into a bathroom, maybe one in an airport or a bar, the ones that for some reason look like a room in the Titanic after it hit the iceberg -- water fuckin everywhere. Then you step in a lil TP and it clings to your shoe. Wayyo, you better catch that before you leave because ppl will love seeing that. No one really knows why out side of the fact that it is one of the main ways to embarrass people in TV/movies, so we just make it the same in real life. I guess looking like you just dropped a mondo deuce is pretty "shitty."

-You know who I love? The mailer demon. Don't EVER mistype an email address or send to an addy that no longer exists. Cause this dude will track you down and email you back. I know it's an automated system, but what's with the name? Mailer Demon? Really? It's a demon? It's haunting you for f'n up an email. Why so evil? And why is he universal in every type of email server? Sometimes, I like to fuck with him and email him back. "I'll email anyone I want, asshole."


-Getting sunburnt is one of the worst possible things, prolly. It alternates being extreme hot and cold and eventually gets itchy. Just a bundle of annoyances rolled into one. Maybe put a lil aloe on it...oh wait for some reason the Aloe was stored in sub zero temperatures. Sweet. Try sleeping at night and it just irritates, itches and burns. Then the next morning when you hit the shower, oh man, just stand back if you have good pressure, cause that's basically a torture chamber if you have to stand under a pulsating hot stream of water with some red shoulders.

---Nick