Barkley Being Barkley

Sir Charles can do whatever he wants. Calling Kenny Smith "numbnuts" is no big deal to me, but the fake-cough "pussy" he drops on his producer is priceless:



--Nick

Barkley Follow Up

We love Charles here at WKFTB.

Well maybe not that much, but still. Sorry if that image is a little disturbing. Its from when an obese Sir Charles challenged the fit old man and referee Dick Bavetta to a race on live TV. I actually won money on this as Barkley absolutely dusted that fossil as a 3:1 dog in the sportsbooks. Charles probably wagered on himself too now that I think about it.

Williams post earlier reminded me of how great and entertaining Barkley really is. This is nothing new, but I still wanted to pay homage. Barkley is a man born without the ability to filter the things that travel from his brain to his mouth. Sir Charles is a funny, candid man. He is also an absolute degenerate gambler of epic proportions. He freely admits he has lost over 10 million gambling including 400k on the Superbowl last year. I hope he really does have it under control now or soon though so he can do more things like pay a busboys tuition. Barkley also might run for Governor in Alabama in 2014 which would be a great show.

The last paragraph is all talk of him after his playing days too. Some people forget, and others are too young to remember, just how good he was on the court. Barkley was an 11 time all star, has a league MVP under his belt, and was selected as one of the NBA's top 50 players of all time. There was even a point where, as you can see, people wondered if he was better than Godzilla. (I remember this poster on Adam Yakavonis'(a follower of this blog) bedroom wall about 15 years ago)

I might as well post the famous ugliest golf swing in the world while am at it. Its so bad that it almost seems fake. There is another youtube of Tiger doin an impression of it which is funny. Picture swinging like this and gambling hundreds of thousands on golf anyway.

The main reason I wanted to post and follow up on Barkley though was to list off my top 10 quotes of all time by him. Remember, we don't necessarily agree with these quotes here at WKFTB, but we do find them amusing.

10. When asked if he was serious about running for Governor of Alabama in 2014. "I am, I can't screw up Alabama. We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere,".

9. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl."

8. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. Once I saw Buffy's titties I knew the school met my academic standards."

7. "You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black."

6. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"

5. "I'm not a role model... Just because I dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."

4. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan.""

3. on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"

2. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".

1. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'

Gotta Love Barkley

It was a Dewey week this week. Antoine Walker, Vincent Jackson and Jason Richardson all received DUIs within a few days of each other. And let's not leave out Charles Barlkey, who was stopped driving under the influence last week. The best part? He calmy explained to the officer that he was just trying to get a blow job. Hey, sorry for partyin.

But what I don’t get: you make tons. Just get a driver, bro. And what happened to the good ole days when a cop would recognize an athlete and let him slide? What are athletes not revered anymore? C’mon now. First pilots, then astronauts, now athletes? If people stop worshipping movie stars next, we won’t have anything left.

Mark Teixeira was officially introduced as a Yankee on Tuesday. Did you see this chooch at his press conference? I’m not sure, but Tex might be a Bro. He’s kind of hiding it in this press conference but the signs are there: he lets his wife decide where he wants to go, he makes corny jokes and laughs at them himself and he has a slightly annoying tone of voice. I’m saying toss a backwards hat or some gel on him and he’s a frat-bro, no doubt.

Couple things here, if you clicked on the link to see the press conference:

-He knew TWO WEEKs before Christmas he wanted to be a Yankee?? WTF!!?? How did this drag out for so long then? How come no one in the media knew this, and all thought the Sox were the favorite? And why the Hell did Boras let John Henry and Theo fly out to Texas?

-His wife told him to be a Yankee? Listen Lee, or Leigh, whatever it is: mind your business. What do you care where your multi-million dollar mansion is going to be? Guess what? IT”s GOING TO BE FIRE. It’s a mansion! You’re getting $180 million! You’re telling me you’d rather be in cramped, dirty New York than a nice mans in Brookline? OK.

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Finally, this is an interesting story out of Florida. Gators’’ defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, who is black, feels that part of the reason he hasn’t gotten a shot at being a head coach is because of an interracial marriage (his wife is white). This comes a few weeks after Auburn chose Iowa State coach Gene Chizik over Buffalo coach Turner Gill, another black man marriage to a white woman.

During that fiasco (remember Charles Barkley?), ESPN reported that two SEC coaches said Gill got passed over because of his interracial marriage.

I don’t even know what to think of this. Is it racist? And if so, against which race? It almost implies that if they had black wives they would be fine. And what if a white man going for a coaching job had a black wife? What would happened there? In my opinion, I feel like these schools would discriminate against him as well.

It’s just something about the South. The Good Ol’ Boy environment will never change down there.

And what about an Asian coach? What would happen there? Could a Chinese man marry a Japanese women and get away with it because the Southern officials wouldn’t know? This is what goes through my twisted mind when I read this stuff.

-Slick Nick (who would certainly celebrate after a touchdown, but wouldn't spike his own nuts)

9 things to do in 2009.

Here it is, the long awaited post of the 9 things that I am going to do in 2009. I want to start off first by saying the likelihood of me doing any of these things is pretty slim, but a man can dream can't he.

Ok here we go....

#1. Scarlett Johansson. I guess this would fall more under people to do in 2009 but oh well. Scarlett, if you are reading this, its about time you finally responded to my letters, calls, and pictures of myself that I have been sending you. You know you want me, let's stop the cat and mouse.


#2. Be more like Charles Barkley. If you have not heard about his recent DUI stop in Arizona you gotta go HERE and read it. So I guess for me this means, more drinking, more prostitutes, and continuing the process of me going bald. All things which I think I am inherently good at.

#3. Make my fan debut at the new Yankee Stadium wearing the same Sox hat and Papelbon jersey as my last time there (which consequently was almost my last day on earth, period). Last time I went to Yankee Stadium for a Yankees v. Tigers game, I decided it was wise to wear my Sox hat and a Papelbon jersey shirt. When I made the trip out to the right field bleachers, there was an instant asshole chant directed at me, I was ducking soda and beer cups like dodgeballs, and the cop standing right next to me was laughing. It feels sweet to be the bad guy....and I guess another way to say #3 is that I want to be an even bigger dick in 2009.

#4. Become famous. Or...

#5. Become friends with someone that is famous. If you are famous and reading this right now, please, let's be friends. I obviously have no real talents to speak of, so I know that I cannot get there on my own. However if you help me, I promise you that once I am famous, most likely more famous than you, I will not forget about you, and all the other little people that helped me along the way. Besides, there are plenty of no talent ass clowns that have become famous. In this shitty world where reality TV stars get fame for NOTHING (i.e. Brody Jenner, watch that a couple posts below, he has the personality of a large rock) I think that I deserve to have a little fame. All you have to do is be a complete F*ing chooch so MTV puts you on Real World, and before you know it chicks are lining up for you on your college tour to do you like your one of the Backstreet Boys or something. Someone please help me with this.

#6. Get arrested by Shaq. Seriously Shaq might be the illest dude alive, if it is really true that he is a cop, or will become a cop then this is a dream come true. As he was walking up to cuff me I would of course bend over and say, "Hey Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes." Classic Shaq video right below....



#7. Fight Chuck Norris. Listen Norris, the last time we met you may have got the best of me. But since then I have watched several UFC events, and thrown hundreds if not thousands of punches in the mirror. You don't want none of the J-man. (Feel free to start calling me the J-man from now on everyone...).

#8. Record my own rap song....featuring Wolfie if he wants in. Ever since I got robbed by 4 fake thugs in Miami two years ago which got me a ton of street cred, I have always wanted to get on tape and just kill it. I haven't really started writing down any lyrics or anything, but I'm pretty sure I have what it takes to be a one hit wonder. Any producers reading this, get at the kid, I'll take you to the top.

And finalllyyyyy

#9. Make a living out of this blogging stuff. Realistically this is probably pretty impossible, but the idea of sitting here in my boxers(stay cool ladies) watching Sportcenter and "working" is just too good not to dream of. I mean I don't even dislike my job now, but doing this for a living has to be heaven.


Well that is it, might be my only post today because I have to work a college hockey game at the shittiest rink in the United States, so have a good Saturday night everyone, and thanks for reading all the way to the end. ONE.