BREAKING NEWS: My intramural game has been cancelled tonight

From my intramural captain....who is definately on drugs:

"A tear comes to my eye when i say thing. please as you read this email find some quiet time, isolate yourselves from others, and remove your hats as we bow down together for this email message.

There comes a point in a man's life when the unexpected occurs and all you can do it react to it. You can't question it you just need to leave it alone or it will eat you alive. Today gentleman we have reached that point. The holocaust, atom bombing of Japan, or the Tsunami cannot compare to what i am about to tell you.

THE GAME TOMMOROW NIGHT IS CANCELLED AND WILL IS BEING MOVED TO NEXT February the 11th at 10 pm

This has left me in an utter state of confusion for the last 20 minutes. First i tried to shit in a urinal. Then I actually respected a girl. And last and most importantly I held the door for a minority. I know its tough but all we can do is stick together. But just a reminder there will be no game.

When i asked Michael Hill why god has done this, he replied Pimp as Hoe Bitch Mother fuck nigga Brendan, bad things happend to good people. He then described the complications the other team went through during their sex change operation which none of us can relate to I wont describe. He then proceeded to change into his little sisters shirt that she got as a christmas present when she was seven, and then proceeded to call Nomar a Homo and takes 35 naked cuts in front of the mirror and download some porn. But fuck it who cares?!!

PS Since we have a week till the next game and all promises/incentives to play are still on the line, email me now if you want my sisters to go on a special diet so they can get plump or lose weight in time for post game wednesday.

That is it im outtie. Captain Incredible. "


Jesus this kid is gold. Ya can't make shit like this up folks.....

As a disclaimer I would like to say the thoughts of this man in NO WAY reflects the thoughts or opinions of White Kids from the Burbs. Thank you.


- J Perk

Still living the dream.....

First of all I want to throw out a nice huge F U to Verizon who has still not fixed my internet. So I apologize to everyone for not putting up my gold recently, I'm sure you all have been very concerned as to where the J-man was at.

Yeah...suck on this one Verizon.

I'm at work right now so if I get a chance later I'll throw up some Music Monday stuff for y'all but for now I wanted to share with you an email I got from my Intramural "B" League (The B means you suck) captain.

I work at the U (Bentley) as the Athletic Facility Supervisor (cool title, means 0), and yes I still live the dream and play intramurals....so this is what our captain had to say:

Subject: Does anyone actually say yes when the doctor asks you if you have done any recreational drugs? (actual heading of email)

"Here is the deal for Thursday. I am already buying drinks that night if we win. But now added to the running, whoever is the most impactful player on the team, meaning good D and shit, or scores the most points wins a date with either one of my sisters or mom. They are 27, 24, and 56 respectfully. Grew up following the equestrian dream, and ma dukes is an aerobics instructor. So come to the game, win the game, and drink some beers while choosing from three of the most beautiful girls in the world. Also to clear up any rumors I don’t have appendicitis. Thank you. Im out


Thursday 2/5/2009
Game at 7

Any questions can be answered by replying through this email. "


Is this not the best captain in the history of sports? I already just went out to the court and took 100 free throws and 200 jumpers. I'm so F*ing ready for Thursday night...I might drop 40 on these poor B league kids, most of whom have never played basketball before.

So I just want to inspire all of you to keep living the dream....keep playing college intramural sports at age 24, keep puking on campus, and just keep being awesome.


Your leader,

-J Perk