A Tribute to.....South Shore Girls

Ahhhh yessss, soak the picture in my readers, it allllwayyyss goes down smooth. If you live in the South Shore of MA (from what I've heard North Shore as well) area, there is probably nothing more you appreciate than a nice homegrown female. I mean who can resist the many charming characteristics that these South Shore Girls (SSGs) have to offer. They are unmistakable in both appearance and character, and it is about time they get their due. So here is my tribute to SSG's everywhere.....

How you can identify an SSG:

#1. They all have some sort of tatoo. Whether it be the traditional tramp stamp, or some sort of butterfly, they all have em, and on top of that, they will always try to tell you a sincere story about why they got it. "Yeah I just really wanted this butterfly with a heart because my grandmother loved butterflies, and she passed away 8 years ago, so I wanted to honor her with this tatoo on my left boob." Wait SSG, are you really trying to convince me that your boob tatoo is classy somehow?

#2. They will not hesitate to drop an F-bomb in any situation. In the library, at a restauraunt, the first time meeting your parents, it does not matter...the F-bomb is only a comment away at all times. I have studied these creatures extensively over the past few years, and I have noticed that the chances increase if they are on the phone with a fellow SSG. "What did Becky say...wow what a FUCKING CUNT." Oh cool, im sure the whole restaurant didn't hear you just say that.

#3. Multiple piercings. The most popular being nose and tongue piercings. I think that these are actually markers so that an SSG can identify a fellow SSG. Much like tatoos I love that they try to justify their piercings. Like there is some good reason to have a tongue ring....listen bitch, there isn't. You have a tongue ring because you like to the S the D, bottom line....don't bullshit me.

#4. They hate all other girls. You could put 5 SSG's in a room that are all ready to rip eachothers heads off, insert one nice little preppy girl from the cape, and watch them prey on her like a pack of hungry hyena's. They hate anything that is not exactly like them, and they will act on it. Usually dropping a C bomb at them, and intentionally trying to bump into them / put gum in their hair, they will make sure some sort of confrontation occurs.

#5. They have a pack of Newports on them at all times. Ok maybe not Newports, and maybe not at all times, but these things ripppppp buttttts. They reak so bad, but not to worry, they will always cover it up with some nice bath and body spray mist. Which instead of making them smell better, makes them smell like Country Apple mixed with a bar room.

And Finally.....

#6. It will not be long before you get in their pants....trust me, I know from experience. (No, no you don't....right but I know a guy...) Sorry ladies, it's a sad fact, SSG's put out. Hey, lets not act like this is a bad thing, this is why they are so loved...this is why whenever I was up at the U in Waltham I would long to come home to a nice SSG. Can you blame me, who can resist all the charm that a South Shore Girl brings to the table?


If your a girl from the South Shore reading this, you might be disagreeing....you might be saying that this is not you, and maybe you are right. But PLEASE, do not deny the fact that if you are not this girl, you are friends with one. So listen Becky, why don't you just accept yourself for who you are, because in some twisted, messed up sorta way, we love you.


.......there goes any chance of me ever getting laid in the South Shore again, so I hope you all enjoyed it.



- J-Perk