The Sorry for Partying All-Stars

Anyone who knows me knows I love a certain three-(sometimes four-) word phrase that can be used as a catch-all to explain any screw-up, large or small, that occurred because of a bad lapse of judgment usually the product of drugs, alcohol or another similar vice.

“Sorry for Partying” or “Hey, Sorry for Partying” as it’s known in some circles has gained paramount popularity in recent years. I’m 99% sure it originated in EB back around 2001-02, coined by Brian Booth.

Since then it’s traveled to the city of Boston, the doldrums of Pennsylvania, the far reaches of the West Coast and everywhere in between. It’s been posted on Urban Dictionary, but in 2005. (Sorry, BRO, you’re a little late.) There are URLs with the name, although none active. And the first time I see it on a T-Shirt, I’ll probably kill myself.

Because we haven’t mentioned it much here, I figured we needed to reveal a list I’ve been working on for a long time, like since this morning. The WKFTB Sorry for Partying All-Stars! These people pushed the limits, sometimes with dire consequences.

Let’s have a look at 2009’s Starting Six:

Vin Baker

Big Vin was a four-time NBA All-Star. He won an Olympic gold medal in Sydney in 2000. He was seemingly on top of the world. But what happened? He SWEATED drinking. He soon ballooned to nearly 300 pounds. When he was traded to the Celtics, then coach Jim O’Brien said he could smell alcohol on Baker during practice. A binge drinker, he was known to drink especially heavily on nights after a bad game. After a few years, he drank his way out the game. But it didn’t end there. He got a DUI leaving Foxwoods in 2007. His restaurant was shut down. And last year, his $2.5 million home was foreclosed.

Wait, you were an all-star caliber multimillion-dollar athlete and you wasted away your prime and then went broke? Sorry for partying…

Michael Phelps

An Olympic gold medalist, Phelps captured the hearts of the nation – the world actually – with his otherworldly performance in Beijing this summer. A freak of nature more fish than man, Phelps machined his way to eight golds and several world records. When he returned home he was a national hero, bringing American people together like no other person since Kennedy. He hosted SNL. TV shows begged him to come on. Sponsors flooded him with offers. Everyone wanted a piece of Phelps. Still, as its been well-chronicled here, Phelps needed to party. We found out how he can consume 10,000 calories a day – by getting super, super high.

Woah, woah, hold it. So you are perhaps the most recognizable face in America, probably every Mom’s favorite athlete, you have tons of loot, yet you’re at a shitty North Carolina party ripping bongs around civilians with cameras? Hey, sorry for partyin…

Michael Vick

Oh man, where to start. Vick, a three-time Pro Bowler was the face of the Atlanta Falcons’ franchise, and for a while, the entire NFL. A former Madden cover boy he had endorsements with EA Sports, Nike, Kraft Foods, Hasbro, Coca-Cola, AirTran and was ranked 33rd on Forbes’ Top 100 Celebrities in 2005. This is in addition to the 10-year, $130-million deal the former No. 1 overall pick signed with the Falcons. After a few minor hiccups like flipping off the media and getting caught with some sort of marijuana container at an airport, Vick dropped the motherload when he was caught financing an illegal dog fighting ring in Virginia. Since sentenced 23 months in FEDERAL prison, he ‘s been ordered to give back his signing bonus, lost all his endorsements, been kicked out of the NFL and forced to declare bankruptcy.

Let me get this straight, you’re a mega-celeb, maybe the most famous player in the NFL, a QB with 95 speed and you for some reason allow your retard buddies to operate a huge dog fighting ring in a gated residential neighborhood when you could conceivably doing anything in the world for entertainment. Sorry. For. Partying.

Eliot Spitzer

Ho, ho, remember this chode? The former Attorney General and Governor of New York led a crusade against such things as pollution, corruption and prostitution. He then proceeded to use campaign funds to finance clandestine trips to out-of-the-way hotels in New York to covertly meet women he met at the Emperor’s Club, a high-scale prostitution service. At least until he was caught in a federal investigation and forced to resign for his post and admit it to his wife.

So you’re a public servant, former attorney who pursued cases in prostitution and told people how to live their lives, then was caught with a prostitute yourself and forced to quit being the governor of the highest-profile city in America? Sorry for partyin…

Ozzy Osbourne

People forget, but Ozzy was a Grammy Award winner, star of the band Black Sabbath, and dubbed by some as the “Godfather of Heavy Metal.” Look at that loopnut now. Guy pounded heroine, E, coke, mints, acid and everything in between. Now he can’t even sit still or talk without his hands shaking. It’s not known if he still speaks English. He’s partied so much, he’s lost his mind. Just check out this sweet quote:

"I was taking drugs so much I was a wreck. The final straw came when I shot all our cats. We had about 17, and I went crazy and shot them all. My wife found me under the piano in a white suit, a shotgun in one hand and a knife in the other."

Hey, when you kill all your cats and then hide under the piano waiting for retaliation there’s really only one way to explain yourself: SFP.

Len Bias

Sorry, but he’s the captain of the Sorry For Partying All-Stars. You know the rule, after 20 years you can joke about it. Len, the purported savior of the Celtics franchise in need of the youthful young talent to continue its dominance, might have inadvertently sent the team into a decade long tailspin it only recently climbed out of. The No. 2 pick in the draft went to celebrate at an off-campus part at the University of Maryland at around 3 a.m. According to his boys, it was there where Bias ripped mountains of coke, enough to kill himself less than 48 hours after being drafted.

Now say what you will, and I know it’s a sensitive subject around these parts, but Len Bias partttiiiiedddd. Just a little too much.

Honorable mention: Joe Namath
Really just to show this sweet video: