We Fly High

Everytime I travel, I feel like I have to do an info-style post on the whole flying experience. I don't know why I always think about it. Maybe because you do so much waiting and get so bored that there's nothing to do really but observe people.

For one reason or another, I consistently find the whole airport experience fascinating. It's a whole nother world, where sandwiches cost $9, people are taking off their shoes and belts, and an innocuous comment can get you locked up with no rights read. It's different than the rest of the world.

You always have your basic 6 people on your flight:

1) The Baby - The baby is every passengers worst nightmare. It's ruined many a cross-country flight and driven countless people to the edge of insanity and back. Because on planes, babies are flippin out. It's loud, it's uncomfortable (they're usually on laps to save money) and there's nothing to do but wail as loud as possible. The minute you hear the slightest cry, you scan to see if that thing is in your vicinity. When you take a seat next to a crying baby, you can look around you and share "the look" with fellow strangers who, like you, are terrified of the prospect of this baby ruining the start of your vacation.

2) The Prayer - The prayer is a different from the rest by the simple fact that they are sure to do a Hail Mary before every take off. This in turn, no matter how much you fly or how calm you were, instantly makes you nervous, triggering a thought that, oh yea, we're taking our lives in our hands thousands of feet in the air.

3) The Fat Guy - In addition to The Baby, another unavoidable pitfall in flying is the 300-pound dude laboring over to your area. In this instance, you'd kill a distant cousin for him to take a seat other than the open one right next to you. Because if he's next to you, all of a sudden you're sharing a seat with the guy who apparently needs seats A-C to even fit. If you're in an aisle seat, you're getting slammed w the drink car because you'd leaning so far out. If you're in the window seat, forget about going to the bathroom without causing a massive disturbance.

4) The Nervous Nellie - Similar to The Prayer, the Nervous Nellie is usually an older person who grew up when flying was radical technology and dece risky. At the first bump or sway in the air, this person is white-knuck clinching the armrests, stiff back on the seat with a look in their eyes that terrifies you. They say things like "that doesn't sound good" to any noises coming from the landing gear or reverse thrusters. In fact, their consistent throw-away comments ("We should have landed by now..") makes you want to strangle them with your headphones for seemingly trying to jinx you.

5) The Smokin' Chick -While most of the aforementioned people had a negative connotation, The Smokin' Chick can make a 6-hour flight seem like a trip to the store. Usually by herself and reading a book, the Smokin' Chick is much friendlier in the air than on ground. You never get shut down on an airplane, no matter the level of hotness of the girl. Whether it's the fact that there's no where to run or people are just nicer 30,000 feet off the ground, the Smokin' Chick will give you the time of day no matter what. And while there's a dece chance she's visiting her boyfriend or something, you always assume she'd be ready and willing to join the Mile High Club at the whim of a finger beckon.

6) The Overfriendly Talker - The OT as we'll call them can either be a good or bad thing depending on your mood. It usually works out like this: if you're en route to a sunny destination with a group of friends, you welcome the OT into your crew, telling he/she where your going, what your doing and hopefully getting a few tips if they're a native of your destination. Butttt...if you're hungover/overtired from the night before, going off 2-3 hours of sleep, a slight flight delay and heading back to rainy Massachusetts with work starting early the next day, there's a chance you'd rather spend the flight in the lavatory than next to this person who can't stop talking about their grandson and asking you about the book you're reading.

--Nick