In this Economy, I enjoy the gratuitous use of euphemisms.

In this economy, I die a little bit inside everytime I hear someone say, "Well, in this economy...". It's been about 9 months since Lehman Brothers, over a year since Bear Stearns...for months now, I've heard people, who I can only assume heard it on Oprah using this expression and really it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

In this economy, you are fucked. Plain and simple. I have heard the most ridic excuses beginning with In this economy. I think I might start using it as an excuse when I bang into work late on Fridays, I can't believe I haven't thought of this before. In this economy, I needed a drink...I needed 7 Galvatrons and a sausage after the bar closed last night. Whatever, I'm not denying that this isn't an unfortunate, shitshow economy and it's not over and won't be for a while. So stop making excuses for being a degenerate/awful person. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of excuses, but where's the creativity? More importantly, where's the bluntness? The abrasive, soulless reasons why we act certain ways...where did all that go? Speaking of bluntlessness (that a word?)...

In this economy, middle-management, those who haven't been shitcanned (euphemism: let go)uses euphemisms and buzzwords like their unimportant jobs depend on it. Here are a few I hear in my cubicle (euphemism: 3-walled oasis) and their actual meanings:

1. Best Practices. Things you need to do and exactly how to do it unless you want to get shitcanned.
2. Synergy. Working together to do more with less resources and/or dignity, you're lucky you haven't been shitcanned...yet.
3. Streamline. We need to technologically enhance the process, reduce human error, so in a few months you get shitcanned.
4. Cross-train. In the event of future companywide shitcanning, you need to learn this person's daily responsibilities.

In this economy, marketing departments are raping these expressions because everyone just can't get enough of it. My mom said "Shoring Up" a few weeks ago and I'm pretty sure , actually I'm positive she doesn't understand what it means. I knew exactly what commercial she was watching too. I told her to stop drinking the Kool-aid and she didn't understand that either.

Okay, I could whine about this all day because it drives me to self-inflict pain, so I'll stop. Happy Friday.