Monday Madness

I know it's been beaten to death, but picture card companies just loving the made-up holidays we celebrate. Valentine's Day? Mother's Day? Father's Day? Picture those holidays mean absolutely nothing. 100% corporate and made up. You can take your parents out to breakfast on a regular Sunday just to be nice, you don't need to do it on a certain day and throw in a $3 card that they'll save for a few months then throw out.

Speaking of, I like how there is a cut-off date with cards. You really don't have to hold on to it at all, but you can't just throw it out the next day. Even if no one knows/sees you, you'll still feel bad. So you tuck it in a drawer for a few months, then one day when you're cleaning, you'll toss that and the others you've tucked away.

How about when you're younger, on your birthday or graduation or something, you'd love seeing those vertical, skinny cards. Woo, looks like they're just getting to the point and giving me dough. Except sometimes a cheap aunt would throw you a curveball and give you a money card with no money...wtf...should be illegal.

The Miller Lite Taste Protection Cap?? Yeah? You kiddin me? How fuckin dumb do you think we are? You really have no respect for us? Taste Protection Cap? That's why I should buy your beer? I thought the Coors cold activated cans were a stretch, but at least that makes marginal sense and it really does turn blue. But a TPC? C'mon.

BTW, Miller has stopped, or is stopping, all those Soprano spoof ads with Phil Leotardo asking store clerks and bartenders if they "need protection."




Why? Because an Itailian-American group -- The Order of Sons of Italy in America -- asked Miller to stop running the ads because it portrays "ethnic stereotyping." Whattt?? You don't like being portrayed as tough and badass? Too tight and ill for you? No, no, we want to be separated from that. We're not that cool. That's like me being upset with an ad portraying an Irish guy as a drunk. Dude, that's cool/funny/true. Relax.

By the way, how big was this commercial? Thing would never be made now:



Saw a rainbow the other day pwning the skyline in Boston. Forgot how awesome and weird those things can be. Someone explain that shit to me. Actually, don't. I like the mystery.

I've kind of had enough of Billy Mays, the black-bearded extreme pitchman. I guess it got to me when he started doing the ESPN Mobile commercials, because now I see him way too much. Oh, relaxing in bed, lil SportsCenter on as I'm drifting to dreamland....HI I"M BILLY MAYS HERE WITH ESPN!!!!!...my god, where's the remote, turn this shit down, just woke up my roomates...

Guy's a chooch in my mind, even though he could probably sell me otherwise. Here's a popular clip of him ordering McDonald's. Thought it was funny at first, but it gets old quick:



--Nick