The Sorry for Partying All-Stars

Anyone who knows me knows I love a certain three-(sometimes four-) word phrase that can be used as a catch-all to explain any screw-up, large or small, that occurred because of a bad lapse of judgment usually the product of drugs, alcohol or another similar vice.

“Sorry for Partying” or “Hey, Sorry for Partying” as it’s known in some circles has gained paramount popularity in recent years. I’m 99% sure it originated in EB back around 2001-02, coined by Brian Booth.

Since then it’s traveled to the city of Boston, the doldrums of Pennsylvania, the far reaches of the West Coast and everywhere in between. It’s been posted on Urban Dictionary, but in 2005. (Sorry, BRO, you’re a little late.) There are URLs with the name, although none active. And the first time I see it on a T-Shirt, I’ll probably kill myself.

Because we haven’t mentioned it much here, I figured we needed to reveal a list I’ve been working on for a long time, like since this morning. The WKFTB Sorry for Partying All-Stars! These people pushed the limits, sometimes with dire consequences.

Let’s have a look at 2009’s Starting Six:

Vin Baker

Big Vin was a four-time NBA All-Star. He won an Olympic gold medal in Sydney in 2000. He was seemingly on top of the world. But what happened? He SWEATED drinking. He soon ballooned to nearly 300 pounds. When he was traded to the Celtics, then coach Jim O’Brien said he could smell alcohol on Baker during practice. A binge drinker, he was known to drink especially heavily on nights after a bad game. After a few years, he drank his way out the game. But it didn’t end there. He got a DUI leaving Foxwoods in 2007. His restaurant was shut down. And last year, his $2.5 million home was foreclosed.

Wait, you were an all-star caliber multimillion-dollar athlete and you wasted away your prime and then went broke? Sorry for partying…

Michael Phelps

An Olympic gold medalist, Phelps captured the hearts of the nation – the world actually – with his otherworldly performance in Beijing this summer. A freak of nature more fish than man, Phelps machined his way to eight golds and several world records. When he returned home he was a national hero, bringing American people together like no other person since Kennedy. He hosted SNL. TV shows begged him to come on. Sponsors flooded him with offers. Everyone wanted a piece of Phelps. Still, as its been well-chronicled here, Phelps needed to party. We found out how he can consume 10,000 calories a day – by getting super, super high.

Woah, woah, hold it. So you are perhaps the most recognizable face in America, probably every Mom’s favorite athlete, you have tons of loot, yet you’re at a shitty North Carolina party ripping bongs around civilians with cameras? Hey, sorry for partyin…

Michael Vick

Oh man, where to start. Vick, a three-time Pro Bowler was the face of the Atlanta Falcons’ franchise, and for a while, the entire NFL. A former Madden cover boy he had endorsements with EA Sports, Nike, Kraft Foods, Hasbro, Coca-Cola, AirTran and was ranked 33rd on Forbes’ Top 100 Celebrities in 2005. This is in addition to the 10-year, $130-million deal the former No. 1 overall pick signed with the Falcons. After a few minor hiccups like flipping off the media and getting caught with some sort of marijuana container at an airport, Vick dropped the motherload when he was caught financing an illegal dog fighting ring in Virginia. Since sentenced 23 months in FEDERAL prison, he ‘s been ordered to give back his signing bonus, lost all his endorsements, been kicked out of the NFL and forced to declare bankruptcy.

Let me get this straight, you’re a mega-celeb, maybe the most famous player in the NFL, a QB with 95 speed and you for some reason allow your retard buddies to operate a huge dog fighting ring in a gated residential neighborhood when you could conceivably doing anything in the world for entertainment. Sorry. For. Partying.

Eliot Spitzer

Ho, ho, remember this chode? The former Attorney General and Governor of New York led a crusade against such things as pollution, corruption and prostitution. He then proceeded to use campaign funds to finance clandestine trips to out-of-the-way hotels in New York to covertly meet women he met at the Emperor’s Club, a high-scale prostitution service. At least until he was caught in a federal investigation and forced to resign for his post and admit it to his wife.

So you’re a public servant, former attorney who pursued cases in prostitution and told people how to live their lives, then was caught with a prostitute yourself and forced to quit being the governor of the highest-profile city in America? Sorry for partyin…

Ozzy Osbourne

People forget, but Ozzy was a Grammy Award winner, star of the band Black Sabbath, and dubbed by some as the “Godfather of Heavy Metal.” Look at that loopnut now. Guy pounded heroine, E, coke, mints, acid and everything in between. Now he can’t even sit still or talk without his hands shaking. It’s not known if he still speaks English. He’s partied so much, he’s lost his mind. Just check out this sweet quote:

"I was taking drugs so much I was a wreck. The final straw came when I shot all our cats. We had about 17, and I went crazy and shot them all. My wife found me under the piano in a white suit, a shotgun in one hand and a knife in the other."

Hey, when you kill all your cats and then hide under the piano waiting for retaliation there’s really only one way to explain yourself: SFP.

Len Bias

Sorry, but he’s the captain of the Sorry For Partying All-Stars. You know the rule, after 20 years you can joke about it. Len, the purported savior of the Celtics franchise in need of the youthful young talent to continue its dominance, might have inadvertently sent the team into a decade long tailspin it only recently climbed out of. The No. 2 pick in the draft went to celebrate at an off-campus part at the University of Maryland at around 3 a.m. According to his boys, it was there where Bias ripped mountains of coke, enough to kill himself less than 48 hours after being drafted.

Now say what you will, and I know it’s a sensitive subject around these parts, but Len Bias partttiiiiedddd. Just a little too much.

Honorable mention: Joe Namath
Really just to show this sweet video:

Wolfie's Rundown

-I was surprised to see ESPN and a lot of media members and fans alike not understand Santonio Holmes TD celebration. He was doing the LeBron. Powdering the hands then throwin it up like the King does pregame, and in the Browns commercial. Stuart Scott thought it was hot sauce or something. The dudes I was watching the game were on it immediately, but sometimes I forget that a lot of my crew is made up of fantasy sports monsters and degenerate gamblers. Which, when put together, makes one of the most potent sports fans known to man. Not only do they watch every game like something is on the line, they know all the numbers behind it, deadly stuff and very awesome.

-Damn it, I just got home and was going to write the same post Perkins just did. I was thinking about it today and to me, this is probably a good thing for Phelps. I hated that guy a couple weeks ago. You got to be an enormous ted to win 8 golds and have me hate you, for real. Is Phelpsie (I picture his yes-men entourage calling him that) still a tool? I say yes. But, today he is a little less of one. Today Michael Phelps is a little more human. Today I know Michael Phelps is young man who likes to get high once in a while (even if hes holding the bong like a rook, read Gambees comment). The person that turned this picture in was probably a tattle tale. Or that person might have been insightful enough to know that this is just what the doctor ordered.

-Shannon Sharpe didn't get in to the hall of fame on the first ballot. What the eff? I don't really care for that talking horse but hes the best tight end of all time. Its not even worth ranting or arguing about because its just ridiculous. He should have been a first ballot hall of famer no sweat.

-This is a brag but I think its relevant. Remember when I brought up that the winning team is gonna love going to meet Obama in the recap? Well I heard that was the theme at the celebration after the win on Sunday night. Almost all of the players were saying that the best part of winning it is going to be visiting the white house. Remember Tomlin is African American too so that must be ill for him. Couple other things I heard about post game were that the Steelers all got championship robes, Ric Flair style, which is awesome to me. And I also heard that Tomlin didn't even touch the trophy because he said he sees 5 of them when he comes to work everyday and its not a big deal. What a beast. Oh yea one more thing, Snoop showed up at the celebration too and fired off a freestyle that everyone loved. That guy is universally loved, very sweet.



Above: Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding) was also on the loose in Tampa. I stole the pic from another blog but so what.

-Someone blogs about the ESPN SB party, pretty cool. Im doing the same thing some day and I dont care if you believe me or not.

- J. Wolfe

Mike Phelps....climbing the ladder

Just wanted to ran this out there real quick but is this the coolest thing Phelps has ever done? (see picture in post below).

Yeah the Gold medals were sweet, but lets face it none of us liked this awkward creature with a 5th grade lisp. He was the whackest/illest sports figure of our time.....going head to head with Arod of course.

So I ask you can Mikey P ever be ill? I dk....he has gone from a chooch I would never want to chill with, to a guy I might want to roll up a nice B with. Besides I'm pretty sure he could pull some pretty sweet ass....what does everyone think??


Chooch for good, or ill dude to party with?

Mike Phelps: Sorry for Partyin'

8 gold medals? The best swimmer on the planet? Trained every day, even his birthday and holidays, with a demanding trainer and grueling regime? I'd be doing the same thing.

"Hey, sorry for partyin."

This pic of Phelps was taken at UNC where he was being ill. This cements his legacy as one of the all-time illest. His rep. not only offered this UK newspaper money, but also said Phelos would write a column for 3 years if they didn't publish it. But more importantly, who is the asshole who took this picture? I don't get why people do this to celebs. People love getting people in trouble. I'll never get it. But I guess I'm not a tattle-tale loser baby. Well, at least not a tattle-tale.

--Nick

It's Friday Bro.

Wow. What a couple of sweeeet Bro's these two are. Another tell tale sign of BROdy being a Hall of Fame Bro is multiple pictures of himself with both other bro's like Michael Phelps, and his mom. Classic Brotocal right there.

As you all get ready for the weekend it is important to take a look at such Mega Bro's and take time to reflect....reflect on the fact that hey, maybe you are not such a chooch after all. Because if there are dudes out there that look and act like this and are still famous, then I think there is a little hope for all of us in this crazzzzy world.

So go look in the mirror and feel better about yourself........after all, it's Friday Bro.




- J-Perk