So Sick of...Kobe Bryant

(Every day this week, WKFTB will bring you someone we are sick of hearing/watching/existing. This is Wednesday's edition presented by WKFTB follower/contributer Anthony.)

I'm an avid WKFTB reader -- regardless of whether this site actually has readable material or not, it's in my rotation and I check it out every day. Having known Nick for years, it made sense for me to check it out. Then I discovered Music Monday and the rest is history.

In any event, when I saw the "People We're Sick of" column idea presented this week, I had to add in my two cents. If there's anything I excel at, it's pointing out other peoples' flaws and talking shit about them. Therefore, the concept was very appealing.

And that's why I've decided to write about someone I'm unbelievably sick of: Kobe Bean Bryant. Yes, his middle name is Bean. Check that shit out on Wikipedia. In fact, I'm going to call him "Bean" a lot from now on. I like that.

I mean, I've never been a Kobe Bryant fan. I'm one of these rabid Michael Jordan lovers who got irritated by the comparisons from day one. Bean is not the same as Michael. Bean could never be Michael. I tell this to people and other people tell it to other people.

We've all pretty much gotten to a point where I think we can at least somewhat agree this is true.

Yet, somehow, Kobe remains a polarizing and -- only recently -- wildly popular person in our culture. Why? The answer is not simple. And to be fair, it's been a long road back for Bean.

Let's get one thing straight -- and let's not go into the details -- but there's about a 10% chance Kobe was totally innocent. Sure, the girl didn't testify and he ultimately ended up getting off (albeit with a likely hefty settlement), but these were pretty serious charges and he's probably lucky he didn't face more severe penalties.

But, somehow, he's managed to get his image back. And to be honest, I think I might have even liked him better before this. The 2008 Olympics kind of made it less awkward to like Bean. So, after he brought home the gold, the sponsors came back.

Oh, you've seen that commercial. I know you have. "The Black Mamba!" "King James!" "23!" "24"!" You might have even joined the debate at www.facebook.com/vitaminwater.

And because of this disgusting amount of overexposure, I am sick to death of Kobe Bryant. It's not even that I just don't like him or am disgusted of him; I'm beyond that point. I just don’t want to look at him or hear about him for a while.

Let's start at the top. Does anything seem more bizarre than "The NBA: Where Caring Happens" commercials featuring Bean? He is the face of caring? Derek Fisher, Lamar Odom; hell, even Stephen Jackson -- these guys seem like they care.

I think if you quietly informed Kobe Bryant that half of his team drowned aboard a cruise ship in the offseason, he wouldn't even flinch. And I'm not just talking about Sasha Vujacic. Everyone kind of hopes that guy goes back to his starring role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

That being said, everyone has to do those commercials. So it's not unreasonable to put who some consider to be the face of the sport in their public service announcements. It's not like I want to see him every weekend, but I can at least understand.

Then, there's Sportscenter L.A., which a lot of you probably don't watch because it's on late your time. But for me, since I live in San Francisco, it's on at 10 p.m., which means it's my primary sports highlight broadcast. And you might as well call it KobeCenter because every night focuses on the Lakers and Bryant in some fashion. It seems like Neil Everett and Stan Verrett have inherited Bean Boners through osmosis and he's clearly the object of affection for an entire broadcast team.

Then, of course, there's "Kobe Doin' Work." Look, I really don't even have to explain this one -- it's been destroyed by other people and I don't have any more credibility than they do. Bottom line: it was supposed to be an exposé on Kobe describing his game and it just seemed fake and fell flat. Similar to most things Bean says or does.

So that was annoying.

"The Scowl" is also gaining more infamy as the days go on. Get used to that, too. And let's be serious here. Kobe could start a blog called "Black Kids from the Burbs." According to my friend from work who lived in Philadelphia, Kobe went to an upper class, all white high school. He TOOK BRANDY TO PROM. So don't believe the ghetto accent or "the scowl." Kobe originally found that look on his face when he got a B- on his Italian test; not when someone smudged his Puma.

Of course, there's the puppets, too. Has there ever been anything less believable than Kobe Bryant and Lebron living together? And then, to make matters worse, Nike doesn't get their finals. Lebron loses -- so we're left with Kobe Bryant. Of course. You can't get rid of Bean, no matter how hard you try.

To make matters worse, Bean beat up Denver to get to the finals. He hasn't been this destructive in Colorado since, well -- you know.

Get ready for more Kobe. If you're like me and sick of him already, just wait until he's a champion. Every commercial for the NBA will feature Kobe (not that they don't already -- think the game winner against Phoenx and the alley-oop to Shaq against Portland). You'll have Bean trying to do KG-type commercials.

The NBA: Where I'm P.J. Carelsimo and Kobe Bryant is Latrell Spreewell.

Then, in a shocking turn of events, the Lakers will go to the White House and meet with Barack Obama. Isn't this awkward for people? A guy who beat the judicial system standing right next to the President shaking his hand? Are we OK with this?

Would Obama shake Barry Lamar Bonds's hand? I don't think so. And I hardly think doing steroids is the same as -- well, you know.

You want to show me where amazing happens next year?

Don't show me any more Bean.