Fixing a Lie-Pod

OK so this story originates when some months back Jake gives me a like new ipod touch that I didn't deserve. In his line of work he comes across them a lot. If they don't get claimed after a while, they end up in the hands of people like me. Anyway this touch was unreal. Its an iphone without the phone part, pretty much a laptop. I used it everyday until it broke. Today I got around to fixing it.

So Im walking into the Apple store at the Braintree mall and I start doubting myself. What if this thing was reported stolen? I can't go to jail, not built for it. Ill give a fake name if I have to. "Hello sir can I have your name?" Shit. Yup its Jared... Johnson, yea Jared Johnson. "OK sir, and your email?" Yea, its jwjohnson@gmail.com. At this point Im sweating, literally. I am now going by an alias? And one with my real and rare first name? What if this guy can get inside this busted Ipod and sees that I just switched johnson with wolfe in the info I gave?

"Alright Mr Johnson, you are covered under your applecare warranty and we can replace your broken Ipod with a brand new one today". OK Cool. Im thinking to myself that this is def a setup. They caught me lying and hes paging security. Shit shit shit. "Here you go James (hands me a brand new touch) Now if you could initial here and here and print your name here and sign here." So Im initialing JJ and printing and signing Jared Johnson on this swap agreement form. Im 50/50 on whether this is just adding forgery charges onto my 10 year jail sentence at this point. And why the hell did he call me James? At this point I looked behind me and who do I see? Gene Hackman. Fuck.



Wait. Calm Down. Channel that Heathen Robert Langdon and remember the answer. He thinks Im Jimmy Johnson who also happened to have an ipod touch in his database. This is a good thing. (That was my best Dan Brown imitation/shoutout.)

I am walking out of the store now with my brand new Ipod and half expecting that I am going to need to punch out Paul Blart and sprint for my car. I check the receipt. James Johnson, New Albany Ohio, jwjohnson@gmail.com. Wow. So the random email address I gave was the registered one for a James Johnson in Ohio who just happened to have an Ipod Touch under warranty. I guess James and Jared were close enough for the guy to just not care or ask, but jesus. I probably should have bought a scratch ticket on the way home, but I just settled for an Ipod I didn't deserve.

-J. Johnson