Crosswalks, Balloons and "All-New" Shows

Does the crosswalk law actually exist? Because I’m pretty sure I’ll go up to one of those and cars will just ZOOM by, not even slowing up a bit. It’s the same as crossing the street anywhere, just wait until the cars stop coming and cross. That’s why the fact that I’ve heard of 2 people who’ve gotten jaywalking tickets is astounding to me. Only because I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me they got a ticket for not stopping at a crosswalk. If you have or heard of someone who has, let us know below.

In your car, there is a spot between your seat and your center console and like it or not, your phone SWEATS this spot. It’ll fall there whenever you have it on your lap and make a turn. It’ll sneak its way down whenever you get out of your car and don’t have your phone in your pocket anymore. And for some reason, there is no easy way to reach this place. Always biting my lip making the “reach-down” face as my hand is getting squeezed between plastic and unforgiving cushion. Some reason here’s sand and wrappers everywhere. “Thought I vacuumed last week?” Nah, bro, can’t get the hose in that spot. Thing’s a Sarlacc Pit.

I love the concept of “all new” shows. “Coming up next, an all new House.” “Stay tuned for an all new Lost.” Oh yea, what other type of new is there? New is new. What the hell is partial new? Or kinda new? I mean, it’s ridiculous when you think about it. Are we really defining the difference between actually new and just a repeat that could be new to you? That’s the only way it would make any sense.

Balloons are a good allocation of money. I was in CVS the other day and saw some for $3.95. Really? Four bucks for air? I don’t even know what I’d do with a balloon? Tie it to my mailbox? Give it to a little kid? I think balloons were invented to let people know where your house was when you were having a party. Now, ppl just plug your addy into their GPS or mapquest.

I thought I would learn patience with age. Turns out, not at all. I still despise waiting in any line or standing in one place for too long. Drive-thru line, bank line, post office. Ugh. I hate it all. For some reason I think my time is super valuable. And this is the same guy who writes a blog, plays fantasy sports, and is online more than the Mailer Demon. I mean, c’mon I’m not exactly putting in precious minutes to renowned research or something. You’d think I’d chill.

--NIck

Firing at the Hip

Someone explain to me O’Douls. So let me get this straight, there is actually a percentage of alcohol in the beer. How is this good for alcoholics? Ehhh…just drink a little bit, you’ll be fine.

I like that it’s been thawing out a bit in New England the past few days. Still, when’s the last time you’ve seen the ground? Month and a half? Two months? I don’t even remember. All I know is when you get up and the temp numbers are the same as college cornerbacks, you def feel like staying in.

I wish hovercrafts were more prevalent. What happened to those things? So cool to me. Why can’t we have em out there a little bit more. I felt like that was the new wave of transportation, but people gave up on them. Those things can bundle over land, sea, snow ice, anything. So useful.

Laptop batteries last about as long as Lou Bega’s career. Year and a half tops for those things. Cost like $60-$90 to replace too. Sweet, thanks bros. Nice lil kick in the nuts after I dropped a G on this high-tech machine. Appreciate the quality workmanship. Listen, if you can make light bulbs that last 2 years and shit, I’m sure there’s some better battery technology out there.

Conservative talk radio is nuts to me. Those guys just won’t give up will they? Are going to complain the entire 4 (or 8) years of Obama’s presidency? Love how one day they’ll preach bi-partisanship, but at the same time literally disagree with every single thing Obama says/does. Really, you disagree with EVERYTHING? Unbelievable, these guys. Is it so hard to swallow your pride and look at individual situations objectively and with an open mind?

Not too sure about the sign by the gas pumps that says turn off cell phones…or it could cause an explosion. What theeee. What kind of cell phone sparks? People buy the new Verizon Fourth of July model? Is this just an outdated sign, because the picture they use is straight Zach Morris. I bet .001% of Americans follow this rule. I don’t talk on my cell phone while at the pump (yelled at once for it) but I certainly don’t shut it off.


-Nick