10 Things I Think I Learned This Summer - Party Edition

1. Sev still has it.

The legend that is William Severino has returned this summer and he still has it. Luckily he toned down the physicality and now just pwns people mentally/socially. Need to get in somewhere? Have Sev talk to the door guy. He will tell him how good he looks, that he can tell he changed up his workout plan, etc etc. Next you will be in wherever you wanted and the said bouncer will hug Sev and light his cigarettes for him. One night we see Steve Levy at the Tavern and I tell Sev that hes sort of a big deal to the 18-34 male demo considering he feeds us our sports news and highlights. Half hour later I see Levy dying laughing at Sevs jokes and hugging him. Sev calls me over and the owner of the bar buys us all shots. This isn't an attempt at bragging either, its an attempt to show you that this stuff is normal if you unleash Sev in a social setting. Actually Ill give you a couple more examples....

One night we tried to hail a cab to a different bar but had too many people to fit. We were just about to start walking when Sev says he has an idea. I see him start walking towards a giant party trolley parked outside of a bar. Im like "Sev, nah dude dont, waste of time". A minute later we are getting waved over. The driver of the trolley loved Sev and tells us the kids hes driving that night are treating him like an asshole. Sev asks him how much it would cost to drive the blogfathers across the city to a different bar. The guy thinks about it and says... "20 bucks and you can drink the beers that are on board because I dont like those kids", Deal bro. Two minutes later Sev has the strobe light on, music blasting, even got the smoke machine working, all while we are cheersing beers and wine. This would only happen with Sev.

Last weekend, late night, Sev tells me hes been working on a way to get free food whenever you want. Im like "Wwwwhat bro?". What kind of statement is that? He tells me to just watch and whatever I do, do not pull out my wallet. We hit a McRonalds and Sev orders. We get to the window and Sev gives the guy his atm card. The guy swipes it and says he needs a pin number. Sev could have won an emmy with the conversation that followed. Just put it this way, Sev has the guy convinced McD's credit card machine is broken and is directing him which wires to wiggle as the guy is on his knees behind the machine. When that doesn't work, the guy gives up, apologizes to Sev and hands him the food for free. Pwnage.

2. Hard alcohol will crundle you. Especially Vodka Redbull.

Yea, we've all known this for about 10 years now but it needs to be reiterated. Beer? I'm having a good time, naturally pacing myself through sheer volume of fluids. Vodka Redbull? Patron? I literally black out and end up in strange locations. Luckily I didn't get punched out or arrested this summer (jinxed it??), but I very well could have. Last night I was drinking coronas until Gordie buys me one Vodka Redbull. Fast forward to me stumbling in my front door at 6:30 am. What an evil combination of beverages. I bet thats what Satan drinks.

3. In This Economy....

Honestly, the economy blows, we know this. But is it a great excuse to not go 100% on sending out resumes? Yes. The above phrase has destroyed any stigma or shame attached to being unemployed. Its just acceptable now. I also think that deep down we kinda like how insane it is. Its like surviving a historical hurricane that you know you'll get to brag about later. The only problem is that you might be bragging to your kids as they have to wear the 4 stripe adidas imitation clothes because you cant afford the realness.

4. Dont EVER pitch to Pujols

Under any circumstance, you just dont do it. If you do he will just hit it out. End of story.

5. Be frugal if you are going to party a lot.

Grab a money clip and bring the amount of cash you want to spend plus your license with you. Leave the plastic at home. You will be amazed how well this works. I learned this the hard way as I put rounds of patron on my card one night that I do not remember drinking, cool.

6. Jake and Nick are nuts.

These kids are just insane. BU editor / super student? Grad degree from a high powered business school? These kids are as crazy and obnoxious as any high school drop out. I would give you examples but the cops would probably come knocking and Richie wouldn't be friends with them.

7. Don't use technology if you are hammered.

Drunk dials will make you cringe the next day. Just have it in your mind before you start drinking that you will not call anyone after 1am. Also, do not jump on your computer when you get home, just go to bed dude. Some of you might remember my "killer bees and bumble bees" post from a few months ago.



8. Throw parties.

Us blogfathers sort of made a pact to each throw a rip this summer. They all happened to end up in July. My house on the 4th was so sweet thanks to you guys. We had an incredible time at Jake's but the weather dampened the fun a little. Now get ready for the roofdeck rip Williams is throwing next Friday. Mixing in parties thrown by your friends is so great. Its cheap, you are guaranteed laughs and its pretty much custom made fun with no last call.

9. Party ingredients/essentials.

For our home town, you need three things to have a fuggin rip. Sev, Cheryl, and a DJ (preferably with a microphone so we can freestyle and make fools of ourselves). Thats really it. Sev is a natural entertainer, Cheryl will make sure something crazy happens, and the DJ will fuel it all.

10. Don't smell Sev's cologne.

Because when you lean in to do it, he will kiss you on the lips and call you a fag. RLOL. Just ask my uncle John, Loom, FC, and millions of other victims. I feel bad warning you but at this point I think most of us know to watch out.


-Wolfie a.k.a. The Daniel Day Lewis of Blogging